Du Hast
by DarkAngstScary
Summary: UPDATEDFeb 3 Shuichi has disappeared after angst about Aizawa and Yuki Eiri. Everyone has gone their separate ways. What happened in that house? What happened to the eternal love of Shuichi and Yuki?
1. A Memory Burned

A/N: A new chapter is not going to come so soon. But thank ya all for the reviews, I think it's the most I ever gotten on a fic chapter, well at least it feels that way. I definitely will take up someone's offer to beta, but ehhhhh as I said next chapter won't be till a long time. However, a new thing you should check out is the lyrics on the bottom. They will be key to the storyline later,  and it's to Blind Game Again! Well as I said it's not perfect, but I like them. Another incentive would be that this is the only time the first half will be posted, I might change it later so later fanfic readers will be kept in the dark, and the song doled out in parts. But please review anyway! Du Hast- Enjoy. 

Disclaimers: Gravitation will never been mine, will never will be or this stupid idea would become reality.

"By some miracle we met fortuitously 

_Even now, wherever the light can't shine through_

_We shall paint a brilliant dancing dream_

_So that the words that guide you do not fail_

_Don't fear the time of change "_

Sakuma Ryuichi was his god, Shindou remembered saying. He would never forget their stage debut, where Ryuichi helped him when they were practically strangers.  Yet now it was strange; his god on earth was now one of his good friends as well as   rival. But as the Sleepless Beauty lyrics popped in his head, the same went with one of his newest songs…

_Waking me from counting my hopes_

_I recall a shimmering image of you_

_The vague silhouette that guides me_

….it was written with Yuki Eiri in mind. But now, what of it? It was tasteless as always, claimed by the great novelist Yuki Eiri.  Combing his long pink locks, Shuichi for once seemed to be without energy. His last argument with Yuki was quite harsh, with the writer not being back for three days. His singing wasn't affected; after all it was his fault. This time, he, Shindou Shuichi would stand his ground and remained unaffected by Yuki's callous behavior. Well, he managed it, though for some reason he was more unsettled. He ached for Yuki for all his being yet he was calm and still thinking up lyrics.

_Touch the freefalling Sky _

_That is what you told me_

_The drifting smell in the wind_

_Of something that I can not remember_

Okay, they were bad lyrics. No meaning, a bubblegum pop star idol idle musings. Is this what Yuki meant? As Shuichi stared at the only picture of Yuki with him, he couldn't help but think how trivial their last argument was about.

"Neh, Yuki why can't you write me some lyrics? You wrote some about me but you gave them to Tohma first."

Yuki's only reply was a glare and the repeated sound of typing.

"I know! It can be about our fated love attraction together! The title can even be called Gravitation!"

Yuki got up from his chair, and leaned over the body of Shuichi in a suggestive pose.

"Don't fuck with me. Who would write crappy lyrics about our living arrangement? Shuichi…I always said that you were a one night stand, and the dream you entertain would come crashing down around you. Yet through your efforts you somehow managed to bring me back, here, where I face you every single annoying day. Isn't it enough? What more do you want from me?"

Shell-shocked at this strange outburst from the stone cold Yuki Eiri, Shuichi had nothing to say.

"Good you're quiet. Now will you quit bothering me!"

Will you quit bothering me….

"YUKI! I love you! Heart and soul, I told you your past didn't matter right, and I knew the consequences alright? I even wrecked your arranged marriage!" He was babbling he knew but he had to make Yuki understand. He even gave started to give Yuki one of his hot scorching kisses, but yuki had remained unmoved, and pushed him way.

"Get out of my sight." He wiped his mouth off, and returned to his laptop screen. 

Shuichi could only stand there, shocked.

"Did I not say get out? Who would ever love you, your wretched excuse for a soul…especially for one, quite frankly, damned to hell.  Quite unfortunate for you that you gave away your innocence for a heart that was never there. Now, get out of my face!"

Aizawa…ASK lead singer.……

For some reason, Shuichi felt a blinding rage, and slapped the great Yuki Eiri himself.

"When will you understand?!"

When Shuichi came back four hours later, the apartment was empty. He had considered going after the novelist, but decided against it. Why should he go after him, when he himself wasn't given the courtesy? Knowing the blond, he probably just went out for walk in the park. However on that note, three days passed. The only message from Yuki was the one left on the answering machine.

"Oh, if you do return, feel free to do whatever you want ."

No I'm sorry, I'm coming home soon or I'll kick your sorry butt. Just…stay there in the apartment…….alone…..

Shuichi started banging his head on the table, but stopped because he felt nauseous again. For some reason for the past few days, despite still being able to sing, he hadn't been feeling well. Less than two hours worth of sleep due to throwing up every two hours or so did not help matters. Probably because he preferred throwing up to the nightmares he had been repeating lately. It was the same one; Aizawa and his gang raping him, and he gladly giving his body in exchange to save Yuki Eiri. Just like always…he would give everything, and he…Yuki…might open his heart…just a little... That was the way it always worked. After New York, Shuichi had thought some things might have changed…but it seemed nothing changed….

Somehow among these thoughts, Shindou Shuichi soon fell asleep.

_I seem to search for the impossible_

_Closing my eyes and reaching _

_Do you really know what's best for me?_

_Drastic measures underlying mistakes_

A/N: Nothing is really updated since yesterday, but I got halfway through my lyrics for Blind Game Again in Gravitation and I just had to post it. It's not perfect I know, but somehow I really like it. I hope you like it too, as it'll be part of the storyline later. There are two parts in this chapter, as you can see, that are made up by me. The first part is for another song, I'll have you try to see if you can guess this later. But now for the lyrics: please critique as well.

"Listen ,Blind Game, Just come Again

There aren't such things as fairy tale endings

I want this it my own straight way

I can take the truth, handling it as I may

The lies the perfection, this oh perfect fantasy of mine

The dancing girl the gorgeous prince

Something out of an illusion that never can be reached

These hands this life

A piece of garbage marring

The blinding completion

The rain of blood that flows

Colors my hair, as it shines and darkens with the light

How could I even consider that normal way

The harsh realities then I reach for onto the next

Never-ending drudgery, send me off to another world

Where shards of ice will never melt

Where this hateful life voice haunts me forever

Don't fail me now sleepless dreams

Flurry of snowflakes mock my very soul

The open topaz diamond cut

Can you even spell naïve?

Your bitter endless drowning eyes

Piercing me with their warmth and cold, what I am?

Listen Blind Game , Just come Again

I seem to reach for the impossible

Midnight pitch the darken vision I search

Do you really know what's best for me?

Drastic measures underlying mistakes

Come along to the inferno 

Reeling from the pain

Just another muscle 

Just another game"

Unfinished and the song does and will never belong to me. P.S Who knows what Du Hast means?


	2. Burned Candle

A/N: Wow! Thanks everyone. Here's the second chapter! And thanks for telling me Du Hast meant "to have" in German, and du hasst means "to hate" Well it even works out better now! Hehehehe. A thanks for *Kiao* :sparkly effect: for being a beta even in her hard times. Thanks so much!!!

Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to their respective creators. I earn no profit from this piece of entertainment.

Du Hast

Chapter Two: Burned Candle

Despite Yuki's misgivings, Shindou Shuichi was in reality a simple creature. He ran after his own desires and sought to achieve them by his own means; an honest person that held no complex meanings. But because he was honest, he was the hardest to understand for one Yuki Eiri.

Yuki looked at his cigarette and wondered why Shindou seemed so different from the others. He was honest; that was it wasn't it? People didn't stay honest; in fact he found dishonest people easier to deal with; you could always trust that they'll be dishonest. 

Strange enough, he actually did believe Shuichi was honest, that idiot couldn't be anything else. Honest about his music, honest about his feelings…

Stepping on the cigarette to put it out, he walks away, intent on banishing all thoughts from his head.

_You don't want sex. You don't want my money. What do you want of me?_

*******

"So don't fail me now sleepless dreams…." Shuichi drifted off, not noticing he had sang different lyrics.

"Shiuchi! Pay attention! The concert is tomorrow and your single is coming out in two weeks. We need to finish!" Sakano was in hysterics once again.

Shuichi was singing; just in his dreams.

_Flurry of snowflakes mock my very soul_

_The open topaz diamond cut leaves no scar_

_Can you even spell naïve?_

"Can there be such a thing as sleep-singing? Because Shindou-san surely is asleep." Suugaku was stating the obvious, but the lyrics did somehow  fit the current situation that Shindou Shuichi was in.

Early on, they learned their favorite writer was gone as a result of the grueling recording sessions induced by a hysterical Shindou Shuichi during the first couple of days. But now… Yuki, Yuki Eiri, had been gone approximately a week. Shindou had moped for four days but as suddenly as he started, he stopped enquiring and pining for blond writer. 

His smiles became more enigmatic, and to Hiro his genki smiles became more and more forced. Shuichi seemed to be more comfortable in his singer persona than his actual life.

K had noticed and tried to track down the blond writer to help regain the pink-haired idiot's health, but for some odd reason he really was nowhere to be found. The oh so wonderful president of NG could not be found for comment either. Tohma had seemed a bit strained as well.

So baring that, here they were, on day 7, no Yuki in sight, Shuichi losing that hyper energy but gaining a mysterious aura…..and a concert tomorrow.

Hiro took the headphones off Shuichi and starts to lead him out the door. "I guess that's it for today. There's no helping it, if I know this baka, he hasn't slept for the past few days."

Hiro waved and dragged Shuichi along. 

"Baka. What have you been doing in that empty apartment of yours? It's not like you haven't been away from that dumb blonde a week before…"

"Yuki……no…Aizawa."

"Shuichi! What the heck are you saying?"  Upon hearing Shuichi utter the name of the rapist , Hiro tried to shake his friend into reality. 

"I love….Aizawa." Shindou said drowsily.

Now that was really bizarre, Shindou was absolutely devoted to Yuki.

What was he dreaming?!

****

He was back in that dark space again. In his mind, the faces of Yuki started to fade away to become Aizawa, till the desire to see and touch Yuki faded away into  memories.

Strange though, he did not recall when this change happened….the doctor's maybe? It was she who recommended the sleeping pills that guaranteed dreamless, fitful sleep.

_FlashBack___

_Dr. Saeki, I been having recurring nightmares lately. _

_I see. What exactly are these nightmares about?_

_Iwasrapedformydearyukibutnowwehadanargumetnandidon'tseemtocarebecauseibeenhavingthesenightmaresthatyukican'tevenentermymind…._

_Whoa, slow down, Shindou-san. But I see where this is going. Shindou-san you're suffering from psychological trauma. I don't know why it's taken so long to set in; from your explanation I had thought you were the type to just ignore it but for some reason it's coming back to haunt you. Here, take these pills. Make sure you only swallow one a day, before you go to bed. If you take anymore I can't guaranteed that it won't affect your brain stimulus and alter you in some way. You have been warned Shindou-san._

Of course, those little red pills were helpful. However, it was hard to take only one, especially when it only let him have half the night in peace, and the other half in agony. He had slowly increased the dosage until a month prescription became one that would only last two weeks, if he kept the pace up.

Before it had felt like too much of an effort to even move but now he was smiling more often.. The slow spreading of lips, tilting up; that was a smile right?

The ground shook and blackness receded all of a sudden.

"Shindou Shuichi! What did you just say about Aizawa! Did he come and bother you guys again?" Hiro had become increasingly worried and angry at the same time.

Shindou looked on in confusion.

"What do you mean? I said I loved Ai- er..um..Yuki. You must have heard wrong."

Hiro slowly let go of Shindou shoulders, and waves his hand in front of Shindou's face.

"You can't lie Shuichi. What happened to you?"

Before Shindou could rack his drugged brain to figure out what Hiro was talking about, Sakano and Suugaku came running toward them.

"Bad news! We just found out from Shacho that Yuki Eiri is in the hospital!"

A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews! I think it's the most reviews I gotten for one chapter; it almost exceeds the reviews I have for one story alone! I'm sorry about the length I only write when the mood hits me which isn't often. Also I apologize for the song taking up space. Hopefully you like how this is going; if not oh well. I'm always afraid to live up to reviewer's expectations….still encourage me I might write more! *hint hint*


	3. Candle of the Damned

A/N: Was that a long period of time? This has been churning in my head for a while. Sorry for the wait. And the Du Hast and Du Hasst argument, I got it. I love play on words…. =) I may misuse it for my own purposes. Be forewarned. Oh, this might fit a stormy mood.

Du Hast Chapter 3:

Candle for the Damned

The hospital was not in the best of areas. Eyes continually darted and scanned, sizing up the group, making the trip all the more uncomfortable. Pitiable and questionable characters lined the streets, staring out from alleys, or looking blankly at the whole procession.  Shindou had already lost 1000 yen to these pitiful characters; his wallet was only saved by Hiro snapping it closed and into his pocket, away from the greedy, constantly staring eyes.

            The hospital was no better; in fact it did not even look like a hospital. It seemed to be covered in dirt, grime and other unmentionables. That of course made it looked abandoned and about to fall apart.

            "Shacho, uh..um…not to question you or anything but are you sure this is the place? It is …" Sakano darted his eyes around the potholed street "…not quite where I would find…."

Tohma cut him off. "This is the place, I tripled-checked. Unless there is another man named Uesagi Eiri with the same personal data as him, of course." He absentmindedly ruffles his hair with his hand, his nervousness betrayed in the gesture. Tohma looked tired these days, when the group saw him. The usual friendly looking demeanor hiding a personality as ruthless and strong as steel that Tohma was well known for, was gone.

            Hiro, K, and Suugaku noticed how Tohma had not shared the details of Yuki Eiri's personal data, but it was not unusual for Tohma not to reveal more information than necessary. Shuichi was too hyped up, Hiro assumed about meeting Yuki again, to care about information he could weasel out of Tohma. The end result would be been the same though, except Tohma might not had the patience to freeze Shindou Shuichi in his tracks.

**_I feel cold._**

Shindou Hikaru ignored the voice and concentrated on the doorbell.

            Striding pass the group, Tohma reached a building looking even worse than the junkyard next it, and pressed the doorbell, ruining his expensive snowy white gloves on the filthy dust covered surface. Despite constant ringing, no one had come to the door. Tohma looked at his fingertips soiled by grime and dirt, made a slight grimace unnoticeable except by Sakano, and turned his gaze towards the door., To the surprise of his "companions" Tohma started pounding on the door. A few seconds later, the door opened, almost throwing Tohma off his balance and onto the steps.

            "My mommy isn't here. Go…come back later." The door was promptly shut in their faces. The little boy had no noticeable features except he looked mix. But dressed in clothing no better than rags, the boy lived in the hospital with his mother? Ignoring the stupefied expressions on everyone's faces, Shuichi in a bout of strength (recall how he could go through doors, walls, ceilings if necessary), kicked the door open once again.

**_I'm lonely. Save me_**_._

            "Yuki?! Where are you Yuki? YUKI?!" Shuichi started yelling and screaming hysterically at the empty, decrepit foyer. There was no sign of the boy. The other five people walking in, Suuguru carefully so as to not ruin any of his clothing. "Stop yelling Shindou," the keyboardist tried saying calmly. He winced as the boy ignored him. "That's not going to help matters. But really I had no idea that the poor lived like this." Catching Hiro's gaze, Suugaku looked puzzled, "Hey did you just give a look?"

            Ignoring Tohma's cousin,  Hiro walked forward, and tried to restrain the hysterical pink haired singer, who was currently wailing and screeching with his powerful voice that had topped  the Oricon charts. A fragrance, out of nowhere, seemed to flit, and tease the senses. Stopping suddenly, Shuichi clutched his fellow band member and best friend tightly, as if he were drowning.__

**_I love you. Die with me._**

But in a sense, Shindou Shuichi was drowning. Drowning in an onslaught of memories of a certain blond haired man, that were being corrupted at the same time, superimposed with the images of a black haired singer that had challenged him, and made him miserable. What really was the line between pleasure and pain? This house, what was so strange about this house? Was it really a hospital?

**_Frozen solid her heart is. Fatally and Forever._**

Hiro was really worried. Shuichi looked like was about to faint or throw up, even both, any minute now. Was he sicker than he appeared? Funny how this dump was a hospital; if Shuichi needed medical attention, they were already in a hospital. Ha ha, very funny. Hiro cursed at himself. What was wrong with his friend?

            "Aishiteru. Koishiteru."

_The rain of blood that flows_

"What? Speak up Shuichi!"

_Colors my hair, as it shines and darkens with the light_

"I love…."

Hiro strained to hear the softly whispered words.

"I really lik…dislike…you." Shindou shuddered. " I hate you Yuki Eiri."

_How could I even consider that normal way, blinded?_

**_A frost beyond comprehension._****__**

Hiro did not know what to do at this point and just tried to shake Shindou out of his reverie.

K had  walked over and feel the poor boy's forehead, but Shindou flung his arm away violently.

**_Burn with irreverent fervor._****_ Have a love that is black hearted and all the way to the soul._**

A second later, he pushed Hiro onto the floor, and screamed with his hands holding his head if it hurt, " ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! I LOVE HIM OKAY? STOP RUINING IT..YUKI…POOR YUKI…" Tears drifted down the serious faced bubble gum  pink haired singer's face.

****

**_Those tears are worth their weight in gold. No matter the cost, I …_**

A second later, he pushed Hiro onto the floor, and screamed with his hands holding his head if it hurt, " LOVE LOVE THAT'S ALL YOU THINK ABOUT. ASK ASK . THAT'S ALL YOU THINK. I LOVE HIM OKAY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"

**_Till death do us apart_**

            It seemed to be a password of sort, as without any warning or sound, the floor beneath the group's feet disappeared and they began to freefall. K took out his gun, but it was no use shooting at nothing but darkness. After all, it seemed suitable the group faced the darkness that Shindou had as his only friend.

_A voice that listens blindly.___

_There is no way to live. Just lay quietly. Please, I beg you._

            Eyelids flittered open, to the image of whitewashed walls. Shindou groaned, and started to get up, but his body hurt all over. Getting up, Shindou knocked over a red candle at his bedside, leading to someone opening the door. It was none other than ASK former lead singer strolling in and smoking.

Not the one to lose an opportunity, "Aizawa, I …I LOVE YOU!!" Shuichi quickly blurted the words out, giving it the same intensity as he did in chasing one blond writer.

 Aizawa shot a contemptuous glance at him and threw his cigarette  to the ground.

"Dr. Saeki, your precious experiment is awake." The sound echoed.

_Long live chaos within order.But whose counting? Live young, die young._

_Can you take it?_

A/N: I know it's short. Bleh. I know my writing style might have changed and nothing really happened in this. Hehhehe more to come though. I think I have this planned out. Guess on what exactly the different font type things are. C/C appreciated.


	4. Damned for Eternity

Author's Note: I'm really sorry how long this took, but this has been revised for so many times and been in writing for at least six months. And I hope you'll forgive the course I'm taking, so be forewarned. And it's subjected to change, :sigh: even with all this work thrown in it.

Disclaimer: Nobody of Gravitation belongs to me, and I'm making no profit off of this.

Chapter Four: Damned for Eternity

"Experiment?" Shock seems to slowly effuse through the empty-headed thoughts of one Shindou Shuichi.

Aiwaza, looking more pissed by the moment, grabs a pan full of medical instruments and throws them against the door. " I said, your FUCKING EXPERIMENT IS AWAKE!"

The door opens promptly, and Dr. Saeki steps through the door, strolling in slowly with a smile on her lips, and her hands on her hips.

"He's a human being. I doubt that he'll like for you for him to refer to him that way."

"Oh? So what do you call a guinea pig piled with drugs?"

"Temper, temper. Has someone not been on their medication today?"

"Damn it! He stole my place! Why is he here now? I thought you said this was all for the sake of revenge!"

Aiwaza roughly pulls Shindou shirt. "This piece of shit deserves to die. How could he take the number one spot!"

Suddenly the doctor's eyes grew sharp and intense, but she knelt down, her movements slow in picking up the fallen utensils on the floor. Her tone held no hint of malice. " You know Aizawa, these things here aren't toys for you to throw when you have temper tantrum. I mean, these things could easily piece one's…." She looks up with a scalpel in her hand, and throws with a deft twist of her wrist, " Throat." The scalpel narrowly missed slicing the side of his neck, and crashed harmlessly into the wall. Aiwaza let go of Shindou immediately and slid to the floor, his eyes blank and unseeing.

"Dr. Saekicough cough ….?" Shindou thought Aizawa actions might leave bruises.

"He's not real. He's a program. Fear makes him shut down, just like the real one. This pathetic piece of trash is what you been programmed to love , but the real body and person has been dead several months. Dying of overdose, isn't the way the washed up stars go? "

Shindou could not process this. Was he in some dream where sci-fi conspiracy was normal?

"But , but, why am I here? What did …, it him, what was it, what was wrong with the drugs?"

The doctor smiles brightly, and chuckles. "My, got you there. It's true that Aiwaza overdosed but he's still living and breathing as you can see…" She came closer, feels Aizawa pulse, and frowns.

Shindou avoids the scene and tries to get his bearing by looking around the weird room almost completely covered in stainless steel. "That's odd. He should be…, no matter…"

The doctor looks up and leans across the bed to stare at Shindou's face. " As you might have guessed, Aizawa was very eager to see you ruined. I merely tried to help him, but I guess he wasn't to it." She leans suddenly across the bed, her face right next to his. "Your colors seem better, which is perfect because you must be in the best health for these news." Shindou felt tensed at the unexpected intimacy and news.

The woman positions herself to whisper in the pink haired singer ear seductively, like a song of the devil. "I'm not Dr. Saeki. But I did switch your drugs for an experimental brainwashing conditioning drug, which I assumed would not have worked so well if your lover was well and whole."

The singer pushed the overly intimate and close woman away. Ignoring his actions, she twirls around to fool around with syringes across the room, speaking happily "Ah yes. I heard about your relationship. A true red burning passionate relationship with a …male, which I found quite odd as there were no indications that you were "in the closet" as those quaint Americans like to say."

"I love Aiza, I mean Yuki for Yuki. It didn't matter if he was a guy!" Shindou felt shaken, like his world was being stirred, shaken, and put on display for the world to see.

"Doesn't matter. You liked this guy, this bastard who took my brother away from me." Did he hear right? She turns around again smiling a vacant smile. "See this syringe? It's filled with a drug that is 100 times more lethal than the doses you been taking and more effective as well. But I don't want use it Shindou kun, I don't. So, be a good boy won't you." In a blink of a eye, she was across the room, caressing his cheek gently, "One Uesegri Yuki is hospitalized right now because of almost lethal poison. He is in a vegetable state right now, a coma where his nightmares will definitely play out over and over. I can put him out of his misery, or I'm sure you would rather, bring him back. Of course, there are strings attached."

Shindou Shiuchi felt the whole situation was becoming more and more surreal.

"One, break up with Bad Luck." Shindou Shuichi almost shot out of bed at that suggestion.

"Two, go solo in America, avoiding all contact with any of NG, including Sakuma, Seguichi, and K."

"Three, endure any and all training that you are forced to undertake."

The fake Dr. Saeki tilts the boy's chin so he looked directly in her face.

"It's really your choice. You'll be able to return to Japan in exactly eight years and four months to this day."

She wrapped her arms around him. To Shindou's surprise, he heard sobbing and droplets of water soaking his back.

Taking a deep breath, and unsure what to do in the situation, Shindou could only blurt out

"Where's Hiro?"

Somewhere else….

"What the fuck is this!" Hiro bolts out of bed, breathing heavily and sweating. "What? Shindou? Seguichi? Sakano? Suugaku?" He was in his own bed, so was it all a nightmare?

Upon getting up to get to the phone, he realizes that he feels intensely dizzy and lies back down. Shindou could wait a day. Even if there were problems, he'll come out fine. Bitterly the thoughts that Hiro seemed to hide in his heart came overflowing out.

"My world circled around him, and my delinquent brother. I was to go to medical school and become a great doctor. My parent's hopes were on me. My brother life seemed so carefree, but I knew what price it came at. Instead I follow the idiot and become an idol guitarist. Why? Why did I give up the promise I made so long ago? It was fun. Did I not want to stop?"

Hiro covered his face as to block the thoughts the pitch-black apartment reflected back at him.

But it was fun, carefree, and almost without worries. Despite the dirty dealings that Shindou may or may not have known, Hiro still stayed, after threatening to quit twice. His charisma and talent drew all eyes to him, but he had eyes only for two things. All else really didn't matter….

Was he part of that group?

Screw it.

"Ayeka…can we talk?"

Somewhere else…

'I knew I shouldn't have gone with them…" Suugaku woke up with a pounding headache. "What the heck was I thinking? Oh right, things weren't going to be boring with him around…."

Shadows cast a umbrage across his face. "And if I weren't such a good copy of Seguichi, would I even be here. It's ridiculous"

The place was dark and damp, fitting Suugaku ill mood. "I'm a brat, so what?"

No one responded to his inane remark.

"I guess I'm stuck here."

"_Da din din da don"_

_The rain of blood that flows_

Colors my hair, as it shines and darkens with the light 

_How could I even consider that normal way, blinded?_

K slowly came to, and his foggy vision and sense told him that he was in danger. "What do you want?" he calmly asks the people in dark clothing and scary noh masks that have guns pointed at him.

"Give up on NG"

"No can do. I have debts and a bands to make famous"

"You don't need NG."

"What's that thing that you Japanese, if you are, so proud of? Samarui Spirit? Well, I have it too. I'm not in the habit of betraying my employers."

"Not your friends?"

"Business is business sometimes."

"You're colder than I thought, K-san. You really changed" A feminie voice rang like pretty bells, as a figure stepped forward and took off her mask.

"Andy…you're alive?"

"No shock on meeting your dead ex-wife? I mean you left me to die and everything…"

It was dark, and it was hard to tell, so it could be a fake. He didn't have anything to worry about.

"What can I say? I let bygones be bygones…Cest la vie"

The lights went on in the warehouse, and he could see her very clearly now, and there was no mistake.

The light glinted off those deranged eyes, and the knife she held like her own child.

"This just gets worse and worse…"

Authors Note: Haha, I'm sooooo going OOC. I'm sorry for this turn of events, but here's the thing would you guys like me to follow Shuichi, or flash forward? These loose ends will be tied up soon, and the actual idea I had in the my head when I started this fic hasn't materialized it. I assure you, I am not making any characters Mary Sues, but it's hard to dig up dirty pasts and make the characters go further without introducing anything new. Please forgive me, but tell me what you think.


	5. Eternity Fallen

A/N: Ah… another chapter. How exciting. First Draft. Subject to Change. there's lots of song lyrics here. I will fix things, but I felt bad for not posting for a while so yea.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, Nada.

Chapter 5: Eternity Fallen

"Oh my god, oh my god, Sorrow One is coming to Japan!"

Hiro could not block out his girlfriend's exclaims of joy over a boy band made in America. The short bleached hair, long legged, curvy, empty headed girl was vastly different from Ayeka.

Hiro pauses, stopping his motions of getting a cigarette from his pocket. Why was he even thinking of her now? They broke up seven years ago; when Shuichi disappeared, everything fell apart. It was funny to see how that silly bubblegum pop star was the glue that held that magic together, and going solo just didn't work. Suguru now worked as a ghost writer with arrangements, losing all hope at surpassing Nittle Grasper, especially since Shindou's disappearance and Nittle Grasper continued success and legend, despite a short revival.

He, himself had dropped the guitar and went for medical school, and despite his years of no schooling, he got in relatively easy. He didn't doubt Tohma may have pulled some strings to get him in, but that was fine with him. He wanted to get out of NG, get out of music, and got back on the track his life was on before Shuichi Shindou.

Hiro lights his cigarette up. He seemed to be going through more of those things than ever despite the health risks.

"It's just a boy band, Aya, get over it. What do they do? Hideous American pop music? Rap? Or hip hop?"

"How could you say that? Amon is a genius! He can't be labeled by some dumb boy band label. I mean how could he be when he's going to play at the TOKYO DOME on his first visit? He's never even been to Japan! But I guess he's been to Korea…."

"So what is it? What kind of music?"

She tapped her long fingernails against the tabletop, making an annoying clack clack sound. She was losing her appeal fast, though she did currently hold the record of five months.

"Actually, it sounds like the music you have on those cds that you hide in the back of all your high school stuff. The lyrics, anyway. You know when you're totally wasted and high, you take it out and yell out obscenities at some guy who was ruined by, what snow? And then break down crying when the music came on."

Hiro stares at her. There was no way that happened. No way. He was over it already. It had been seven years. He was a certified doctor, away from his band life. He didn't even keep in contact with K, nor did K contact him.

"You're a fucking liar."

She shrugged. He was in one of his moods again. The guy was rich and was great in bed, but he had way too much emotional baggage for her liking. Oh well, the guilt gifts afterwards were always great.

"You could, get tickets, to you know, like see?"

Hiro clenched his glass. What kind of bs was this anyway? Was God trying to get back at him at what he did to Ayeka by him only meeting these kinds of girls?

"Fine. Whatever makes you happy."

Aya squeals. Hiro never took her to concerts and Sorrow One's tickets were not only hard to get, they were hideously expensive. But with Hiro old connections to NG, getting tickets would be a cinch. Perks of being a former #1 on the Oricon charts band member, though she didn't remember which band it was. She found out by accident anyway.

Hiro didn't like asking for favors, but past NG status had to count for something right? NG was probably planning the event as well. He, of course, was just being manipulated into buying tickets, and he was doing it to make the stupid girl happy, not of any interest at all to see this Shuichi clone.

"Hiro? What a surprise. I didn't know you still had this number."

"I'm surprised you still kept it. Listen, I have to ask for a favor."

"What, a free ride to medical school wasn't enough?"

"Haha, very funny. You know that the royalties that there going to go to Shuichi went to pay for that. You didn't spend one cent."

"Still as sharp as ever. So what deigns the doctor to call his past life?"

"A girlfriend. Sorrow One tickets."

"My my, you have changed. What's her name? It's odd how you would hang out with that type of girl."

"None of your business; it's not necessary to do a background check on her. Tickets?"

"Sure, of course. You actually might be interested though. They asked for rights to remake Rage Beat into English. I gave them the go ahead. I assumed you wouldn't mind."

"You just want them to butcher it."

" You never know."

"Screw you."

"Nice talking to you too, Hiro. You'll get the tickets by the next day in the mail"

"Wait!"

"Why the Tokyo dome for a star I never heard about?"

"You are out of the loop. Sorrow One is an Asian sensation that been everywhere but Japan and if that's not enough, XMR is backing Sorrow One. Rage in fact has nothing but praises, even worse than the time she was Bad Luck's manager. "

"That's hard to believe. First crushes are never forgotten."

"Goodbye, Hiro. It's been nice talking to you."

Sohma hung up on the ex-guitarist quickly. This played perfectly into his plans. He had heard of Sorrow One, and even went to one of the concerts, and ever since then there was that nagging feeling that he knew the main singer Amon. But a background check turned up nothing but what was known by every teenage girl in America, so Tohma had to abandoned his suspicions.

It still annoyed him to no end that he could not recognize the singer, but since he couldn't go, with Hiro watching and listening, with his photographic memory, he would be able to drag up memories that even he had forgotten.

Tohma's hand strays over to a picture on his desk. A happy boy of seven years old stares at him, with his two parents bending over him frowning.

Maybe digging further was not such a good idea. Nittle Grasper was the #1 band no matter what drivel they put out, even with Ryuichi only putting in appearances now and then. The disappearance of Shindou drove him back from time to time as he sneered at some of the manufactured boy bands out there.

….He thought of the fucking pink haired idiot again. Efforts were even made to ban pink,yellow and purple, and somehow he thought of that worthless person again. He wasn't Yuki Eiri to be haunted by something that he, the great Uesagi Yuki, couldn't figure out, but everyone else could. So despite him letting go of Yuki, Tohma Seguchi still hated Shindou san's guts.

But he was finally putting it behind him. Yuki Eiri was back to the way he was before, without the emotional baggage. No Yuki Kitazawa, no Shindou Shuichi. Finally it was time to let him go.

He had a piano recital to go to.

Tohma really really hoped he wouldn't go deaf.

"EEEEEEEEEEEE, its Amon!"

"Konbawa minna'san! Well that's all I can say. But you don't mind do you, Tokyo!"

Fangirls scream.

Hiro winced. He already had a headache and the concert didn't even start yet. Amon looked like any idol star, except better dressed. He was wearing black silk designer clothes all over, with a beret at a rakish angle. The only thing unique was the long to waist black hair, literally streaked with pink, decorated with different braids. He surprisingly, was Asian as well. His opening song was a soft one, his fingers lightly touching the strings.

"_With one last drop of rain nothing comes to mind._

_I realize with all your beautiful words, it just was a waste of time_

_Concise and neat, like a perfect straight line_

_Why can't you love me?_

_Why can't I love you_

_So it's only a dream of dying devotion_

_Not a word escapes you, eyes full of pity, denial reflecting clearly_

_Shimming like a nightmare that you wished gone_

_The waves splash loudly against the shore._

_Desperate to be gone, desperate to be understood_

_Desperate for one last chance, desperate for one last tearless kiss_

_But the snow, my love Drifts away in silence."_

_I am alone again_

"What do you like in this guy? His lyrics suck," Hiro complains over the girls screams of "We love you Amon!" in the refrain.

"What are you talking about? It's not about the lyrics, it's about the song and emotion behind it."

He didn't know what the hell she was talking about.

"Arigatou, minna-san! Lyrics were written especially for me by a special someone. And now….. Eh?"

Suddenly the stage goes dark.

"What's going on? What happening!"

Music filters through.

Destiny/Fate by Why

"_I don't really know love_

_I didn't know it would come to me like this_

_My heart doesn't act like it wants to in front of my love_"

Shuichi moaning and groaning about his lyrics, then suddenly jumping out and running out into the street like a maniac, leaving him alone at the table.

Him, standing in front of the streetlight, the cicadas chirping softly in the background. Her, giving back the ring that he picked out for her.

Amon's strong voice soon joined in.

"_If I knew I was going to be like this,_

_I wouldn't have started in the first place_

_Like a fool, I am regretting this late_"

The downwhirl spiral of his happy go lucky pink haired friend who yearned and yearned for only one thing, and he would not let go.

Ayaka's hair floated in the night air, and shone even under the unnatural light. He wanted to touch it, but she was gone, like a shadow that disappears in the absence of light.

"_I wished that you wouldn't be my love_

_I wished that it wouldn't be you_

_You deceived me, telling me that its not love_"

The shock of Yuki having killed a person that ran Shuichi haggard.

The agony of telling absent minded Shuichi that he liked his boyfriend's fiancée.

"_I hoped that it would be a passing by fate_

_Because painful wounds will be left on me_

_But even when I know this, I am still greedy_

_It keeps getting me sad_"

The lights come on, and Amon is waltzing, waltzing, with a black haired girl. But he passes her off to a guy who is singing, and his posture was of defeat.

And all of a sudden, Hiro is reminded of that fateful day where he finally knew that Shuichi had gone off the deep end. You don't like random guys rape you, and don't feel anything. But, that person, he knew since forever, didn't, for some reason. He was just cold and tired.

"I_ thought that it was a wrong start_

_I thought so easily_

_I believed that I could always call you_"

The hours of waiting. That long day. Never forgotten.

"Ayeka? I need to talk to you"

"_What should I do?_

_Where did it go wrong?_

_I need to avoid this love_

_But I yearn for everything about you_"

A brief flashback to his long lost best friend and Hiro could not take it anymore.

"I'm out of here!" He said to his date.

He had to leave and take a smoke or something. He was not so far gone that he'll let, a woman he escorted here, never mind that she probably could find a ride by herself, be left stranded because he left her here.

"Thank you my friends for crashing my concert! That was the group Why and the lovely lady from Light! Please give them a warm welcome! But wait a minute? I see more guests that should be up here! Lighting please focus on Row A seat 13. There he is! Hiro of Bad Luck! What an honor! Since we're here, let's play our English rendition of "Rage Beat" with Hiro playing the guitars… and drum roll please, Suugaku playing the keyboard!" Amon winked at him. "Isn't that great, most of your band is here!"

Hiro was about to give him the finger and tell him to go screw himself and his music digging up memories, but he stopped. The girl, Light! Had started kissing him without coming up for air, and launched into her song.

"_I think I love you_

_But it must be so, Cause I miss you_"

Amon, then he grabs her back. And the smoke goes up, rendering all the figures on the stage invisible. The music slowly faded and became the high pitch beats of the beginning of "Rage Beat", and Hiro couldn't leave.

Amon lent his hand and lifted him to the stage.

He was taller than the super idol by a whole head, but the other boy did not seem to mind. He smiled, tossed a guitar at him, and grabbed the mike.

Then, Hiro remembered.

A/N: Okay, someone gave me a review, so I felt compelled to post another chapter. Lucky for you peeps, as the review was for my hikaru no go fic, not gravitation. But this one was further along, and I didn't want to continue in this vein. Questions, just comment! Oh, thy wonderful muses, please send me a beta! Oh, if anyone wants to hear the two main Full House songs that I put in this fic, give me email or something!


	6. Fallen Gods

a/n: Again, Rough draft. And again, I can't change the rough draft of the one before this because no one really gave me any comments on it. If people gave me more comments, I could feel better about the direction I'm going in. I guess I'm just too confusing for lots of people. :sigh: ROUGH DRAFT ONLY SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHIN THE WEEK. Dear God, someone tell me how to fix the spacing. It doesn't work anymore when I upload to html or word. It used to, but now it doesn't. I don't understand why. I double space etc, nothing works:cries: someone help!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation.

Chapter 8: Fallen Gods

K leans into his chair, wondering if he should start looking for a job again. After that day, he felt lost. Some things are meant to stay in the past. K fingers a heart shaped locket. He already took the picture out, but ghostly vestiges still seem to remain.

His son was 15 now, not really in need of a father anymore. He could pursue the music sheet that was given to him.

But his will was weak, and had been for the 9 years since it happened.

_The woman held her blade lovingly like a child. That posture, those movements, it really could only be one person. The only person he actually buried. _

" Andy? You know I'm married now right? And I have a kid."

"Judy right? I always said you were going to get in trouble one day."

"Ark is with us too."

"What a happpppy reunion."

"It was just part of the job what happened to you, Andy"

" I know."

K felt like he was sweating, but how could he, a master manager body guard, be cowed before his former wife? No one stopped him.

"Then why did you kidnap me? Where did you take the others?"

"That's not necessary for you to know." Andy, her long hair cut so short, indeed now looked like a guy, if not for her voice and her gestures.

"We were never officially married." K coolly mentions. Andy's eyes began to take on an unsteady look. "Yes." She walks closer with her knife, bending down so her face was even with his. "But you and I are cut from the same cloth. Bastard." She hisses as she stabs the knife into his shoulder.

K grimaces, but says nothing. A warm flower of spreading red starts to stain his shirt.

Andy, snaps her fingers, and one of the noh masks, hands her a briefcase.

"My quarrel isn't really with you. My client only gave me a chance to have a bit of revenge. You won't die from that after all." She opens the briefcase. "Here is exactly 30 million yen. Give up being Shindou Shuichi manager, and hinder any movements to find him. Besides Ark, you're the only one who would find him, and at the same time hide him. Remember K, I know you. I know how you work. So help me. Or we all die together." Andy fingers her boyish looking hair. "So God help me, as you and I as my witness, you will help me." She grasps the knife handle and stares at him.

K began to get serious, his arm was beginning to lose feeling.

"Why? Answer me"

"you're the prisoner, why should I aaaaaaaaa – Program shutting down. Subject does not like question, subject feels confused. Shut down shut down."

A voice boomed and echoed in the warehouse.

"So you figured it out." It sounded neither male nor female.

"Andy died. I watched her die. So someone must be pulling some illusion on me. Same with this wound; it's like VR."

"It's not as simple as you think it is, but it is close enough."

K gets up, rubbing his hands from the cuffs and ropes, surprising the guards, but not enough that they did not have all their guns trained on him.

"I already won this game. Give up." K reaches for his gun, and his hand comes away smeared with blood. K grimaced; his mind still believed the illusion, and the pain was starting to come back.

"It is not necessary. Drop your weapons. Simulation RBX-1232 end." The blood disappears and the white shirt was spotless again.

"The voice of reason…ooooo creepy villain." K began to look like his old self, unruffled American maniac.

"Just wait, nine years. Just nine years."

"Why, should I, you done nothing but to prove, that I the great Claudia sama should raze this facility to the ground with backup."

"Show him."

Andy gets up slowly, her eyes blank and unseeing but stands almost like statue holding a briefcase.

"What is this?" K is shown a locket, a bracelet, and a piece of paper that was sheet music.

"These are yours if you don't interfere."

"That part of my life is over." His hands were slightly trembling, was that his imagination?

"So you chose."

"Shuichi Shindou belongs to NG"

"He has already turned in his resignation."

K quickly grabs his gun and aims it at the flash of a sniper rifle scope, and shoots.

The whole warehouse explodes, and K feels the flames hungrily licking his feet, and the air slowly being crushed out of his lungs.

"DADDY! Wake up and see my new puppy!" the little boy sat on his father's chest, and was the source of his restricted breathing.

"Uh.. .chibi…what puppy?"

The young boy gets off his father and shows him the puppy licking his feet. "See? Ark got it for me! Because daddy was sleeping and wouldn't play with me.."

The sound of the safety taken off was matched by another click.

"I see that you're up. Judy sama was worried."

"Waving weapons in children's faces is setting a bad example."

"I believed you started it."

K started up at the ceiling. It was a dream. Andy, his co habiting partner, hand fasted in Scotland, died, because he had to shoot her to get to the target. She told him to do it, because she was the one who betrayed them all them with the leaks and ambushes. He never found out why, and his love for Judy at the point outweighed his partner's life.

It was a side of him that he did not want to face again.

"Claude-sama, what should I do with the briefcase you were holding?"

"What briefcase?"

"It has a locket , with a woman I don't recognize in it, a bracelet with initials that doesn't match Judy sama, and a piece of sheet music belonging to no one I recognize. There was also a letter, but it makes no sense. It's in Gaelic, written in a woman's hand."

Ark tone was patronizing and unhappy.

K did not answer him.

"Where am I?"

"America. You been out for a couple of months, and you woke up once from your coma screaming and pelted the doctors and nurses with bullets, because for some reason you still had a gun, and so they requested you have at home care."

"What happened to Bad Luck after I was out of commission?"

"Bad luck? I believe they were disbanded after the singer went missing."

K was about to erupt into one of his fanatic dialogues accompanied with a hail of bullets, but his eyes caught on the music sheet again.

"No, never mind. I believe I'll stay home from now on Ark, you can protect Judy."

Memories are such horrible things, go long enough, and it distorts what was actually real, what was actually said. K hands taps weirdly like he was hitting an instrument to an unknown beat.

Yes, it was time to start. He even kept to the time limit.

A/N: I'm really tired, it's 3 am in the morning, and I don't know how to end this chapter. I was going to go into another person's POV, but I'm really tired, and I just want to post something. My old fanfiction amusing and I'm ranting now am I? Raise your hands… er… review if you're confused! I will start rewriting and hacking soon. I NEED A BETA READER. Anyone?


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